Flame-throwing, lava-spitting beasts (parental supervision required)

Moms, dads, and teachers everywhere, I have news for you: Volcanoes do not spew baking soda and vinegar (why does that sound like toothpaste?).

I never got how those mixtures are supposed to reflect reality. Volcanic eruptions are flame-throwing, lava spitting beasts.

So how about we do that for the next science fair?

Here at BadDaddy Publishing, we just have better information. Take a look at this old family recipe my dad taught me, circa 1990-

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You single dads are going to love this. If you’re still married, get permission, or you won’t be (married) for long after a stunt like this.

As soon as I get done blowing one of these prehistoric monsters off, I expect a giant triceratops to come crashing through the neighborhood, snatch up and run off with one of my screaming kids hanging out of its mouth.

Now let’s make the earth move with some real molten lava.

Here’s what you need

First, have your kids create a Paper-Mache volcano. You can hollow out the top of an empty soda can for the center (this is where you’ll put your fuel).

Google ‘how to make paper mache volcanoes’ if you need to, but skip the part where they tell you how to make it erupt. That’s our secret sauce.

The ingredients to make a volcano are newspaper, flour and water. Everyone knows that. But trust on the fuel part, where we just have better data.

Don’t put any plastic or glass in it, as these suckers are going up in flames. They’re one-time use (maybe two), but it’s well worth it. (You may also come up with your own ideas for other base products to last a few more rounds).

Next, you need just three simple ingredients to make the fuel.

Let’s call it fun-powder, the jolly cousin of gunpowder. It combusts a little slower, and makes real lava.

It’s not quite as explosive as its dirty cousin, or that crazy uncle Jimmy of yours from Tuscaloosa after a ‘Bama game and a fifth of Jamison.

Note: We took the recipe off the Internet but if you join our email list just reply to our welcome email and request the fun powder recipe. We’ll send it along.

Mix these suckers together thoroughly, then break it into jars of about five ounces each. These are your fuel cartridges-

Take the volcano outside and clear out a space in the dirt with at least a 10-foot radius. Get away from the house, and clear out any brush. Make sure there is nothing flammable in your space, and if you don’t have a fire extinguisher handy, fill a big shop bucket with water to douse it all when it’s done.

Pour one cartridge into your volcano – if you want more lava to spill out of the top, add sand first so your fuel overflows from the mouth of the volcano.

Have the kids stand way back, and light that sucker up with a long lighter or sparkler like we used. Presto. Now back up, and enjoy the show!

PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. CONSULT AND OBEY ALL LOCAL LAWS AND ORDINANCES.  DO NOT STAND OR LOOK OVER THE MOUTH OF THE VOLCANO OR PLACE THE VOLCANO ANYWHERE NEAR YOURSELF OR OTHER PEOPLE. DO NOT USE INSIDE OR NEAR FLAMMABLE SURFACES. ADULT SUPERVISION REQUIRED. HAVE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER READY.

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